my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
