I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
