I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
