I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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