you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Boobs are out for the taking
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
