i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
