you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
