Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You ruined the universe
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
