You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
