The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
