I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
There r osticjed everywhere
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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