Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
