your room smells of hookers.
And success
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
