hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
