my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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