Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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