cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
