Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
