No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize