Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
