fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she woke up with a sticky ear
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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