I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
