Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
