i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
