This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
