I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
