What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Randomize
