You work out of a Hotel?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
