please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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