My nipple is on Facebook.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
