no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
