went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
