Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I can't turn off my feet"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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