Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Tell her she can't have a vagina
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
