His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
