Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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