my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She bit a glass in half.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
