Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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