You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
