girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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