it was like his penis was on wheels.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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