Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
