I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
