He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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