I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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