Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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