Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
