Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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