the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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