he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
