I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
