By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
