Do you still have your period?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
