I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You need Xanax blowdarts
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
