Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Shame - the story of my life.
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