she looked like the before picture.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
