I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You can't just leave with hair like that
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
