just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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