see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
