I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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