I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
