You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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