i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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