i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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