They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
