4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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