I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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