hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
