her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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