Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
