I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
