Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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