If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
