my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
