whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
